have you wildin' out when we bump this drugs fo' yo' eardrum

an elaborately crafted practical joke i devised horribly backfired last night. i discovered that the chiles arboles make a devastatingly hot salsa, even when the seeds are removed, that has a consistency and color similar to that of ketchup. so i made a large amount of sauce, this time leaving the seeds in, then added a bit of tomato paste to it to make it smell like tomatoes. i got a new bottle of ketchup, dumped out half of the ketchup and replaced with the new sauce, and shook it up, put it in the refrigerator. then i commissioned for a large bag of cheap hamburgers to be purchased. everyone knew except my roommate frank. as always he, looked around for ketchup for a while until i told him we had just bought some. he put it all over his burger and started to eat.

"hey, this burger's a little bit spicy. but not bad, not bad at all."

i figured the sauce had been diluted too much, so i spread some of the pure sauce on the buns of the remaining hamburgers, and offered frank another one. he said that he wasn't hungry, but, since no one wanted them, he was going to go upstairs and offer them to some girls at a party, hoping that his offer of a very cheap and low-quality burger would entice the girls to sleep with him. sarita went up to see what would happen. the girl had eaten some of the hamburger.

"wow, is this a new spicy bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's? I love it, i'm gonna ask for it next time."

i need to go back to the drawing board.