a corporate author

"if you like idly chatting so much why don't you write a harlequin romance novel?"
"romance novels are stupid. if i wrote a novel it'd be a dark comedy."
"a dark romantic comedy, let's get started. i'll write the first paragraph."
...five authors later

Fingers of crepuscule through her silken braids, Bernice pushed on towards the occident, squinting as if she was critical of what she beheld, though because of the sun?s glare. It had been four days since she last slept with Barry. By then, her body had developed muscle memory towards his embrace, which in turn infected her conscious memory so that she would say things like:
"Barry and I always go to the Borreal together and he puts his hand on my knee."
Or "Every time I see him I?m always on the phone with Balice."
Her face was flushed and she was sniffling when she got to the door. She knocked.
"It's open!" called a voice. The aged handle was cool against her sweaty palm as she struggled to turn it. With one powerful thrust the door swung open.
"Barry!"
" Bernice, it?s so nice of you to stop by. There are some things that we need
to..."
"Look Barry, you don?t have to say anything. Bedrew doesn?t have to know."
Barry placed his cup of coffee onto the table and stood up. He walked toward her and placed his hands on her hips. As he closed his eyes, he slowly leaned in to kiss her. Starting at the nape of her neck his tongue searching for that place it was four days ago, tasting the sweetness of her skin, a taste so intoxicating yet completely familiar. And while he felt the weighted guilt of betraying Balice the warmth of Bernice?s long slender body through her thin silk chemise burned his skin like a wildfire burning through the Californian redwoods.
The sound of Barry's suitcase crashing to the floor abruptly brought them out of the trance. Bernice?s eyes widened as she saw the contents of the suitcase spill out onto the floor.
"Barry...what the hell?" she said, hearing her voice as if from far away.
"Jesus, what am I doing here? I was supposed to be at Ban's place an hour ago..."
Barry?s red-shot, sleep-rimmed eyes wandered from the mess on the floor to Bernice?s ten-month-old son, blissfully snoozing on the coffee table, on top of a stack of magazines. Poor little guy, Barry thought, struggling to keep his loosening grasp on reality.
Bernice looked at the baby. It looked just like Bedrew and Barry. It was still in the box that they had used to take it, tossing the box and the baby out of Bedrew's third-story bedroom. The box still had 3-foot thick foam padding over it.
"Damm I told Bernard I?d get that back to him," Bernice thought. She looked at her clock, and for a brief moment she thought she could pull off the maneuver, returning the long foam pad back to Bernardino before he got off his shift at Bred's Boamations, the foam emporium, and still make it back in time to send Bedrew a "sorry about his missing baby" sympathy card before the post office closed. But the clock didn?t move and she noticed it was slightly off-kilter.
"There's no way I have time. God dammit." The battery was out.
"Barry, you don?t have to tell Bedrew anything."
"No, it Has to be right between us."
"No...this is so Hard for me, but I Have to tell you the truth?..we agreed it would be best in the end...
"the truth is, Bedrew knows everything. She always has. She?We, we both love you, and you?ll always be special to us, but the truth is we met long ago. We were both working the night shift down at Blugglers. One night some squares got jibey and we had to take them down. Afterwords things got steamy. We were up till 7 am fixing that boiler for that rat bastard Billy Bluggler. Later we went out for coffee and realized there was chemistry we?ve never felt with a man. Remember that weekend Bedrew was "getting her boobs done" and I had that "conference in Reno?" well, this is really hard to say, but we weren?t in Reno?.we were in the Bahamas down at Bluggler?s mama?s Babe Ranch and?
"So that?s why you were both so tanned. You bitch! You sick bitches. Well if you think you?re gonna get this baby back and raise him to your sick ways you?re way off!"
"Are you fucking insane? We?re raising that baby and its gonna love us."
Barry?s body wracked with sobs, he collapsed onto the sofa. Bernice paused at the door for a last look at Barry?s prostrate figure before picking up the boxed baby and walking out the door. Maybe they?d finally take that trip to Reno...